Why Sexual Health Conversations Matter for Gay Men
There was a time in my life when I struggled to talk about sexual health. Not because I didn’t care; if anything, I cared deeply, but because I had never been shown how. I grew up in a world where conversations about sex, especially gay sex, were silent or shame-filled. So for a long time, I stayed silent too.
When I finally came out, I realised I needed to unlearn a lot. I needed to relearn how to care for myself, how to feel safe in my body, and how to speak openly about what I needed, not just emotionally, but sexually too.
Today, as a counsellor working with gay and queer men, I see how common this silence is. And I also see the incredible power that comes from breaking it.
Understanding Sexual Health
Sexual health is not just about avoiding infections or getting tested. It’s about:
Feeling confident in your choices
Understanding consent and boundaries
Having access to accurate, inclusive information
Knowing and respecting your needs and those of others
Feeling safe, physically and emotionally, when being intimate
Sexual health is a vital part of our overall wellbeing. It affects our mental health, our relationships, our self-esteem, and our sense of connection. And when we’re able to talk about it openly, it becomes a source of strength instead of anxiety.
Why It Can Be Hard to Talk About
These conversations haven’t always felt safe for many of us, especially for those who identify as gay or queer. We may have grown up with negative messages about our sexuality. We may have missed out on inclusive sex education. We may have internalised shame or fear without even realising it.
And for some, talking about sexual health can trigger memories of stigma, rejection, or trauma. It can feel exposing, like we’re admitting something is wrong with us when, in truth, we’re simply being responsible and human.
That’s why creating space for these conversations, free from shame and judgement, is so important. It helps us reconnect with ourselves and each other.
The Turning Point for Me
The shift for me began when I had the courage to ask a partner, gently and honestly, about their testing history. It was a simple question: “When was your last STI screen?" This simple question initiated a respectful and meaningful conversation.
That moment taught me that asking doesn’t push people away. It builds trust. It gives everyone involved the opportunity to feel safer and seen. And it reminded me that sexual health isn’t something we manage alone; it’s something we navigate together.
PrEP, PEP, and U=U: Tools That Matter
Being informed is empowering. Here are a few things I always encourage clients to know:
PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis): A medication that significantly reduces the risk of HIV when taken regularly or on demand.
PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis): Emergency treatment that can prevent HIV after potential exposure if started within 72 hours.
U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable): If someone living with HIV maintains an undetectable viral load through treatment, they cannot pass the virus on sexually.
These tools have changed what it means to protect ourselves and each other. But they only help when we feel comfortable enough to talk about them.
Starting the Conversation
Talking about our sexual health is one of the most empowering things we can do. Whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or a healthcare provider, speaking up makes a difference.
Here are a few ways to start:
“I like to stay informed about my health; when was your last test?”
“I’m on PrEP and find it works well for me. How do you manage your health?”
“Can we check in about boundaries before we get closer?”
These are not just practical questions; they are acts of care. They let others know that you value mutual respect, safety, and communication.
Reducing Shame and Rebuilding Trust
Shame thrives in silence. I’ve seen this time and again in my own life and in the counselling room. When we avoid these conversations, we don’t make the topic less important; we just make it harder to approach.
But when we talk openly, we begin to heal. We challenge the stigma that too often surrounds STIs, HIV, and our sexual choices. We let go of the fear that something about us is wrong or unworthy. And we start to create relationships, whether casual or long-term, that are rooted in honesty, mutual care, and understanding.
What I’ve Learnt Through Practice
Through my personal journey and my work with clients, I’ve learnt a few truths:
Sexual health is part of self-care. Just like mental or physical health, it deserves attention, understanding, and respect.
There is no shame in asking questions. In fact, asking shows strength, not weakness.
Confidence grows with honesty. The more we speak openly, the more comfortable we become.
Most people welcome the conversation. Often, they’ve been waiting for someone else to start it.
Moving Forward, Together
At Bent Couch Counselling, we believe that sexual health conversations are a powerful form of self-advocacy. Whether you’re navigating new relationships, healing from past experiences, or simply wanting to feel more confident in your choices, you deserve support.
We offer resources, counselling, and community groups that encourage open, affirming dialogue about sexual health. You don’t have to do this alone.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’ve been carrying shame, silence, or uncertainty around your sexual health, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There is space for your story. There is room for your questions. And there is support available, without judgement.
You are allowed to take up space in this conversation. You are allowed to speak, to ask, and to be heard.
Take the First Step
Download our free Shame-Free Sexual Health Checklist and start exploring your options with confidence and clarity. You can also gain access to resources, join our unique Online Men's Community Conversations, or book a discovery call.
Your sexual health matters, and so do you.
