Holiday Survival Guide for LGBTQ Mental Health and Wellness
The holidays bring a mix of pressure, expectation, and emotion that can feel heavy for many LGBTQIA+ people. Some people return to families who are warm and affirming. Others walk into places where identity is invisible or questioned. Many feel the quiet ache of loneliness, especially when everyone seems to be celebrating connection.
If this season feels complicated for you, you are not alone. Your reactions make sense. Your nervous system is responding to a lifetime of learning when it feels safe and when it does not. This guide offers gentle, practical support to help you move through the holidays with care.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Hard for LGBTQIA+ People
The pressure to appear cheerful or grateful can hide a lot of distress. For many LGBTQIA+ people, the holidays stir up:
Old family patterns
You may return to places where you learnt to hide, stay quiet, or monitor every word.
Non-affirming relatives
Even small comments can trigger the part of your nervous system that scans for threats, making your body tense and your thoughts race.
Loneliness and comparison
Seeing others surrounded by support can intensify feelings of isolation or disconnection.
Grief, change, and estrangement
Some people are coping with distance from family or the loss of relationships that once felt central.
Financial pressure and social expectations
Gifts, travel, and gatherings can add strain on top of emotional load.
Research shows that LGBTQIA+ people experience higher rates of stress, depression, and anxiety during holiday periods because of these overlapping pressures. This is not a personal failing. It is a reflection of the environments you have survived.
Before the Holidays: Create Your Safety Plan
A small amount of planning can help your body feel more settled before the season begins.
Clarify your boundaries
Decide what you are willing to talk about and what is off limits. Examples include relationships, gender, dating, politics, or your life choices. You do not need to justify these boundaries. They exist to protect you.
Plan your exits
You are allowed to leave a gathering early or take a break. Arrange transport ahead of time or choose a quiet room you can step into when needed.
Identify your safe people
List the people who help you feel grounded. This might be a partner, a close friend, a queer sibling, or someone from your chosen family. Let them know you may reach out if things feel overwhelming.
Prepare a small coping kit
You might include breathing exercises, grounding techniques, a short walk, a playlist, or a supportive text from someone who sees you clearly.
Consider your relationship with alcohol and substances
Holiday gatherings often include drinking. If you know this is a vulnerable area, decide how you will approach it. Choose one or two people who can support your plan.
During the Holidays: Care for Your Nervous System
Often, the body reveals the truth before the mind does. Pay attention to signals that you feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or overstimulated.
Look for small moments of safety
Sit next to someone kind. Step outside for fresh air.
Touch something with texture. Slow your breathing.
Safety returns in small, steady ways.
Use brief self-check-ins
Ask yourself:
What feels tight in my body?
What do I need right now?
Can I soften my shoulders or unclench my jaw?
These small moments help interrupt stress and reconnect you with yourself.
Invite joy where possible
It is okay to enjoy parts of the season, even if other parts feel difficult.
Watch a queer film, cook something you love, and listen to music that reminds you of who you are.
Connect with your chosen family
Your chosen family may be the people who have helped you survive.
Reach out, join a community event, or create your own small ritual.
For queer and trans people, chosen family is not optional. It is a lifeline.
When Family is Unsafe or Unsupportive
Some readers already know they will not be accepted or respected in certain spaces.
If that is your reality, please know there is nothing wrong with you for protecting yourself.
You may choose to skip gatherings entirely.
You may limit your time.
You may attend only with someone who helps you feel steady.
You may decline invitations altogether.
Your wellbeing matters more than tradition.
After the Holidays: Decompress and Reconnect
Once the season ends, your body may feel flat, overwhelmed, or relieved. All of this is normal.
Give yourself time to settle
Go slowly. Let your nervous system catch up.
Rest, walk, sit quietly, journal, or reconnect with affirming people.
Reflect gently
What helped?
What felt too much?
What will you do differently next year?
Reach out for support if you need it
Therapy can be a safe place to process the emotional residue of the holidays, especially if you faced rejection, conflict, or loneliness.
Support for Trans and Gender Diverse People
Many trans and gender-diverse people experience extra strain during the holiday season.
This might include misgendering, scrutiny, questions about body or identity, or being forced into old roles.
Your boundaries are valid.
Your identity is real.
Your safety matters.
Have a support person you can message.
Plan scripts for redirecting or exiting difficult conversations.
Give yourself full permission to rest or step away when moments feel too intense.
Australian Support Services
Here are some places that provide connection and support during the holiday season:
QLife
National, peer-based support
Phone and webchat: 1800 184 527
Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline
Anyone in Australia who is from LGBTQ+ communities who has recently or in the past experienced sexual, domestic or family violence
Phone: 1800 497 212
13YARN
Free and confidential service available 24/7. The service is operated by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.
Phone: 13 92 76
Suicide Call Back Service
The Suicide Call Back Service is a free nationwide service that provides 24/7 phone and online counselling to people affected by suicide.
Phone: 1300 659 467
Suicide Call Back Service
The Suicide Call Back Service is a free nationwide service that provides 24/7 phone and online counselling to people affected by suicide.
Phone: 1300 659 467
Lifeline
A national charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention services.
Phone: 13 11 14
If you need urgent support or it’s an emergency, call 000.
If the Holidays Leave You Feeling Alone
Loneliness often deepens during festive seasons, especially for gay, bi, and queer men who have learned to survive by staying busy or emotionally guarded.
Connection grows in small, safe steps.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to reach out.
You are allowed to put your wellbeing first.
Working with Bent Couch Counselling
At Bent Couch Counselling, I support LGBTQIA+ people across Australia with online sessions and in-person work in Melbourne.
If you need a safe place to unpack your holiday experience or prepare for the season ahead, you can book a free Discovery Call.
Shaun
