Creating authentic connections: A guide for gay men of all ages
Broadly in line with the global average (8%), 10% of Australians surveyed identify as LGBT+. 4% of Australian adults identify as lesbian or gay, 4% as bisexual, 1% as pansexual or omnisexual and 1% as transexual. †
Building real connection starts with feeling safe enough to be yourself. For many gay and queer men, that safety can be hard to find, especially after experiences of stigma, shame, or feeling on the outside of the community.
Today I offer gentle, practical ways to meet people, deepen friendships, and create relationships that feel steady and nourishing. I draw on what I see in sessions every week, along with lived experience, so the guidance is grounded and human. If you are in Melbourne, or anywhere in Australia through online sessions, you are not alone in wanting closeness that lasts. Counselling can help you practice boundaries, communicate your needs with honesty, and rebuild trust at your own pace. If you are curious about extra support alongside these strategies, I offer queer affirming counselling for individuals and couples. Let’s make connection simpler, kinder, and more authentic.
Self-Acceptance for Gay Men Coming Out Later in Life
Before embarking on the journey of connecting with others, it is crucial to cultivate self-acceptance and embrace your own identity as a gay man. Recognise that your sexual orientation is a beautiful part of who you are, and it deserves to be celebrated. Developing self-confidence will enable you to approach potential connections with authenticity and attract individuals who appreciate you for who you are. This doesn’t mean conforming to toxic social media interpretations of what a gay man is. It means accepting who you are ‘warts and all’ and that you are beautiful just the way you are.
Finding Queer Affirming Communities Online & in Melbourne
One effective way to connect with like-minded individuals is by engaging with LGBTQIA+ communities. Attend local pride events, join LGBTQIA+ organisations or queer affirming counselling for gay men, and participate in social activities that cater to the queer community. Surrounding yourself with people who share similar experiences can create a sense of belonging and open doors to potential friendships, romantic partners, or professional connections.
“Technology is playing an increasingly pervasive role among young gay men in the process of meeting potential romantic or sexual partners.”
Utilise Online Platforms.
Prefer to connect from home, online LGBTQ counselling across Australia makes support accessible wherever you are and provides an excellent avenue for connecting with others. Gay-specific dating apps, social media groups, and forums geared towards the LGBTQIA+ community can be invaluable resources. Be clear about your intentions when using these platforms, whether you’re seeking casual friendships or romantic relationships. Take the time to engage in meaningful conversations, get to know others on a deeper level, and avoid objectifying or reducing individuals to their sexual orientation. Look at alternate apps to Grindr or Scruff if your looking for meaningful relationships and never feel pressured to share intimate details or pictures of yourself to seek validation.
Cultivate Diverse Friendships.
While connecting with other gay men can be empowering and comforting, it is also important to cultivate diverse friendships that extend beyond sexual orientation. Explore opportunities to engage with people from different backgrounds, interests, and perspectives. Developing connections with individuals who do not share the same sexual orientation can enrich your social circle and help break down stereotypes and prejudices. Join clubs and groups with individuals that share the same interest in hobbies as yourself.
“Gay and bisexual men are more likely to experience depression and anxiety conditions, and younger men are at a higher risk of depression than older gay men.”
Practice Active Listening.
Building connections involves more than just talking about ourselves; it requires actively listening to others. Show genuine interest in people’s stories, opinions, and experiences. Engage in conversations without judgement or preconceived notions. By actively listening, you create an atmosphere of trust and understanding, which lays the foundation for authentic connections.
Participate in Shared Activities.
Engaging in shared activities and hobbies is an excellent way to meet new people and build connections. Join local sports teams, take classes or workshops, volunteer for community initiatives, or attend social events that align with your interests. Participating in activities you enjoy increases the likelihood of meeting individuals with similar passions, facilitating natural connections that go beyond sexual orientation.
FAQ on counselling services
Q: Do I need a GP referral for counselling?
A: No, you can book directly with me without a referral.
Q: Can counselling help if I came out later in life?
A: Yes, counselling supports identity reconstruction, self-acceptance, and building connections.
Q: Is online counselling available for LGBTQ clients in Australia?
A: Yes, I offer affirming online sessions for LGBTQ clients across Australia.
Finally, Be Vulnerable and Authentic.
Creating authentic connections necessitates both vulnerability and authenticity. Allow yourself to be seen, share your personal experiences, and express your emotions openly. When we embrace vulnerability, we create space for others to do the same, fostering deeper connections built on trust and understanding.
For gay men seeking connection, the journey may come with its own set of challenges, but it is worth the effort. By embracing self-acceptance, seeking out LGBTQIA+ communities, utilising online platforms, cultivating diverse friendships, practising active listening, participating in shared activities, and embracing vulnerability, gay men can forge authentic connections with others.
I completely understand that sometimes all of this seems incredibly challenging and difficult. I know because I’ve been there too. Having come out later in life in 2019 I had to create and build new connections for me. This wasn’t easy and yet the process of creating a place for Gay Fathers to talk in a safe, non-judgemental space has enabled me to meet and grow as a gay man via a space to enjoy authentic connection. This was all achieved in my fifties and has lead me to my chosen path as a counsellor in the LGBTQIA+ community and a trusted resource for other gay men.
Remember, building connections is an ongoing process, and it takes time and effort. Be patient, stay true to yourself, and open your heart to the possibilities that lie ahead.
I’d love to talk to you and discuss how counselling may help you. Let’s connect for a 15-minute complimentary Discovery Call.
† The Ipsos LGBT+ Pride 2023 survey - 1 June 2023
The global view: Sexual orientation and gender identity§ Raymond M. McKie , Robin R. Milhausen & Nathan J. Lachowsky (2017) “Hedge Your Bets”: Technology’s Role in Young Gay Men’s Relationship Challenges, Journal of Homosexuality, 64:1, 75-94, DOI: 10.1080/00918369.2016.1172883# Factors affecting LGBTI people - Beyond Blue, 2020